I haven't wrote in a while, a little over a decade. I guess things change, almost 40 at this moment and finally fulfilling my job ambition in academics (even if is only been three years - four in January of 2024) since day one. A lot has changed even with the difficulties as I have my own voice fully to express myself and I have a solid network of friends who are more like family and family members that are close to me as wheel.
I been in my own classroom for the last year an half, not necessarily per se my own classroom as I am a lab monitor but I have my space, my rules and my own kids which is something I treasure. I had the chance for the last two years to shadow other teachers, sub and learn from them. I am writing because today I finally reached that point in life that I am comfortable with my own skin, even in times that is difficult to be happy with yourself.
What is happiness? I don't know, it change from everyone to everyone, for me "Is to be able to live and be myself without having to hide myself to fit in the societal expectations" is simple and is something I pass to the students. Is quite surreal even a year and half later to have my own space and is something that daily I am proud of.
Albeit, within those expectations from society we forget that we were kids once and we grow old to become just part of an engine that keeps a difficult time for younger generations. I am not going to go in an analysis of self by systemic approach because that is an eternity, an eternity that last in the blink of an eye. I learned in that concept of eternity that we kindness can bring a lot to the table of expectations, same with boundaries because are linked to our well-beings in an individual and social levels.
Social levels that are interlinked within the different classrooms around the globe, one person in the entire campus in the thousands that are around the globe can make a difference in someone's life, someone's who is young and probably have no support at home - we essentially become some sort of extended family for the kids, a lease family for the time they are in the school but an impression that can last forever, for good or bad -
It breaks my heart and soul daily to know how difficult a lot of the demographics I proctor have and will have in life; I can't be mean to them at all, just myself without putting a facade who is not who I am, myself who can reach them and can help to create a change.
I will write more, little by little as I paint. I haven't wrote consistently in 12 years because I couldn't find myself, I couldn't find a new voice that wasn't linked in sorrow and now is a voice linked to hope.