Tuesday, July 21, 2020

A Short Letter to Someone I Admired

Hello Person I Admired;

I rewrote the original one at least 5 times, I ended up placing on my drafts again, I decided to go for a new shorter one. I wish you the best, I am not angry at you or any others, I do not harbor any hard feelings except for disappointment because my pleas were ignored to the people who made my online time a living hell, I know your brother wants to talk to me, but my heart after two years of other people being toxic to me it really gave me a sour taste and I honestly don't know if I can talk to him on any time soon or anyone else for now, I had enough bullying from too many people and abuse that I can't simply to listen yet, to listen to a speech someone close to you also gave me "but we can be friends, all of us, this is the place for the ones who are out", my heart is broken but if you reads this, I am OK, just OK and nothing else.

No, we all can't be friends, there are plenty of people who hate me for who I am and they let me know I am a worthless as a piece of shit daily.

I already unsub you, cancelled my Patreon (it was a dollar at the end but it was something), placed all the merch I got in the closet so is far away from me, requested friends in common to unfriend me and I explained the reasons, same I essentially unsub from everything related to you within friends and family content, is been 72 hours and I haven't received any message which has been the longest some of the anonymous accounts had been sending me, I already deleted them because honestly there is no more pain I can take from the one I been getting in person by racist and homophobic individuals as well the one I had to endure online for the last 2 years.

They won, whoever is behind, whoever are behind those accounts that harassed me and other people, they won; I am gone. It was a good 11+ years, but as any fandom I guess it was my time to say farewell.

I am still going to Metro on 2021, but I am not going to be near your events or near you, you won't even know I am there, same with my panels, my co-host already agree she will speak for me if they get approved and I will be wearing masks, and any dialogue from my side will be pre-recorded. Also I deleted your number out of respect of privacy and I hope you have deleted everything from my side, I was a lucky fan who lasted a long time and probably a pen pal.

I rewrote this letter at least seven times in the last five days, I hold no hard feelings as I said before, just myself being human, I know you won't read this letter because I am just a number of the 1.3 million people who follow you, I said goodbye on one of your videos as I knew you weren't going to reply on any other way or reply at all, but I wanted to make it more honestly that's why I wrote here.

You are wondering why I didn't saved any screen caps or conversation, or accounts? Because at the end is not worth especially when some people were toxic on plain sight. I am not going to write anything else, I am happy that I was able to say farewell more properly to people I was friends with opposite when I left Colombia.

To your brother, he is a gentle soul, and seems to be a decent person, same as your mother.

I know you won't read this, but I wish you the best Person I Admired, I hope your original album does well, as well the adoption process, I hope there is peace and that there is always love and Metal forever. I am not writing anything else, they won and I am happy as I said before to be able to say farewell. I hope one day our paths cross in a better light.

2 Corinthians 13:11, Farewell

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