Friday, May 8, 2015

Smoking Essential Oils Will Make you Turn into an Avocado

(5/8/2015) Tampa, Fl --- According to a recent study of Natural News and some magazine I found in the rack of Whole Foods, smoking essential oils specially lavender scented will make you develop some form of synesthesia, believe that cacao is some form of a vagina that it gets impregnated by the masculine energies of the sun or give really bad advice on how to spend money while you are young and don't worry about the future.

You will essentially turn into a middle age man or woman who believes in no showers, no vaccines, you will start talking no nonsense topics and people will start to listen to you because they probably think you are drunk or you are just some kind of mutated vegetable.

The after effects of essential oils will make you want to go eat at Chipotle or Panera and even worse, you will know you have to seek help when you find yourself buying items that are organic, vegan, kosher and kambucha at your local Whole Foods store and thinking on how to avoid the GMO's even if you believe yourself to be an avocado.

Smoking essential oils not only will turn into a vegetable but also will turn you into an uneducated douchebag who is past his or her prime and shouldn't be giving medical or any form of advice because you should be surfing or turning into a living prune after going to the salon to get a fake tan.

So, after you smoke essential oils and you present all these symptoms don't call 911 but rather go to McDonald's or Burger King and eat something without any fear, because life is too fucking short to believe you are an avocado and that way all the essential toxins will run away from your body.