Thursday, May 7, 2015

How To Become a Nutritarian in 5 Easy Steps

Add Anti-Woo; Paid by Shill Bucks
Hello my dear readers and people who think outside the parlor of pseudoscience and quackery that are found on every corner of the Internet. For now I can bet many of you had an encounter of the third kind with the woo, for some of you it could had been from someone in the supermarket saying that organics is better, a crazy family member saying that you can cure anything with cinnamon and turmeric or some random crazy shit at Facebook.

Either way there is some annoyance with all these health gurus around; this week we are going to understand we can all become so bullshiters who talk about nutrition and why our chakras aren't aligned, in other words we are going to talk on how to become a Nutritarian in five easy steps.

1. Deny everything from science and advocate for a holistic point of view: Let's take a look on our "friend" Nutritarian Nancy, who has a PHD from a garage university and claim she is a nutritionist and a humanitarian or a Nutritarian. Nancy denies modern medicine and see it as a business, but also Nancy has no fucking clue on how the human biology functions or the universe in general. She advocates for pseudo-cures that take a holistic much as approach because she believes going organic can cure cancer; but she doesn't realize that organic is the composition of carbon. Albeit we are going to stop here.

2. Go to any garage school and write a 3,000 word thesis: Because let's face it, writing a 3,000 word essay on how to read food labels won't make you a dietitian but only a nutritarian or in a corrupted way you will become a food babe and see everything that you eat as toxic, probably develop a health problem and try to spread misinformation.

3. Be photogenic and blame that Big Pharma, Agro or whatever is Causing Cancer and Autism: Fuck, need to say more.? Check any health guru, they don't make any fucking sense every time they speak. Mix a little bit of New Age with some random ass shit and you can become one of the many thousand inspirational gurus or people who say that Monsanto is to blame for and people will listen.

4. Put all your Fucking Credentials Online in order for People To Take You Seriously:  Again, let's take a look on our "friend" Nutritarian Nancy something, something CHNP who also has a PhD on huggins or something about holistic food (who I have no fucking clue what she means.) If you want to become a Nutritarian or any shit that is on vogue, you have to put all your credentials you earned from your fake school and why your one year of education was the most difficult of your life.

Sure everyone can claim a PhD thanks to Google U, people who are looking for easy solutions and everyone knows that a real doctor takes consult over Skype; so if you want to take the next step you have to create a virtual consult because if you respect your career path you have to pimp yourself as much as you can.

5. Be a Douchebag and Silence or Ban your Critics: Need to say more.? See the photo on the top and research his name.