Friday, December 19, 2014

The Santa Claus Time Loop Paradox or Why Children Can't Realize the Multiple Implications of This Little White Lie

Santa Who
I'd loved science fiction and fantasy since I can remember; my parents tried to persuade me that "Baby Jesus" was the one who placed the gift, or Santa if you are in the Northern Hemisphere.

One a small anecdote, I knew around my fourth birthday that my parents and grandparents were the ones; the reason was, my mother had some serious flatulence issues and I overheard her pass midnight cursing about the farts, and why she ate too many empanadas at the social club.

After that realization, I always wondered, if the myths were real, we could compare them to actual theories of relativity, age of the planets and in some other way time travel.

The idea that someone, can travel to 2.2 billion homes in one single night, is essentially impossible. Unless that person can turn Earth into a single physical loop, with the ability to manipulate the curvature of time-space in order to please every children desire in the world.

The problem is, if he goes back in time, he won't be able to go back into the present where he departed, because that present won't exists; thus breaking the Novikov principle. Thus, turning five minutes into a millennium of giving gift to at least 1,000 children. Then we have to take issues, such as Santa breaking into the home security systems, not being detected by the wireless cameras, that if the children today decide to steal their parents phones; or at least hacked into it they can have a proof of Old Man Kringle, and probably create a series of paradoxes where he has a way to find to conceal his identity.

Maybe Santa could be the prototype of the Renegade Time Lord, that appeared in 1963 on the BBC; maybe Santa is just an unique Earthly being.

Let's analyze another aspect, besides the time travel paradigm, business. The tradition of the North Pole started on 1897 by Thomas Nast; who is also credited for introducing the imagery of the modern Santa, which is also tied to his career as the a political cartoonist, which he is also regarded as the "Father of Modern American Cartoon." which we analyze, that the modern Santa, not being a mascot of Coca Cola Enterprises but rather a representation of the time it was created, a mere political statement of the traditions and the social climate of the civil war.

Eventually Santa evolved beyond his early modern origins, from a time where a cartoonist was trying to give some hope, and the idea became a lucrative business. Santa's modern origin was located in the North Pole, but with an every growing population surpassing the 8 billion people, where at least 3 billions household are Christians, and at least 1.5 billion have children who believe in Santa Claus, and there are at least 1.2 billion children who he has to give them presents.

It's just fuzzy and lovable the idea; where a child can't comprehend the lie, but Santa's business model has to turn into a multinational corporation of shipping and handling, who has a consortium with all the toy makers and electronic companies of the world.

Santa has to diversify his operations, because the magical elves won't be able to meet the dues, so at least Santa's central would be located in the North Pole, where he will direct operations but the merchandise will be sent through a series of subsidiaries around the world, to fit the customers different needs, much as FedEx.

Because, even if Santa has dominated time travel, he would be in the need of the help to satisfy at least 1.2 billion children tantrums; but again if Santa learned how to dominate time travel, we could use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to simply explain why life on Earth seemed to survived a quasar explosion that probably annihilated a huge chunk of life in the universe, and delayed the evolutionary process of new intelligent life; all because Santa engulfed the entire world into a physical time loop and saved billions of people all because of the presents.

If children had the moment to think at least on the fantastic side, but at least realiticly speaking they will realize that none of them are Virginia, and that there is not a Santa Claus; but, if they analyze a little bit further, they will realize that Santa itself is trapped in a corporate nightmare, where at the moment the elves decide to unionize and claim healthcare, after hundred of years of not getting any primes, Santa would be so screwed.