THE MAN WHO CRIES
We undulate as light travels around our bodies, we are in certain way beings of light, holograms that are the subject of cause and effect, we are beings subjected to time and space, we have to follow rules because we don't have a choice, unless we had learned in a distant future how to bend them in order to achieve what people from the past called The Asimov Paradox where humans became Gods themselves fulfilling a prophecy of self-substance in order to preserve the species as well the mythos that God created man to his own image. Those were the words that James Ballard was reading on the last book written by Stephen Hawking before he died on 2015 from old age, defeating all the odds about his condition related to amyothropic lateral sclerosis and becoming an influential figure among scholars who theorized the probability of time-travel exploration.
James was just an professor of the University of South Florida, by his 37th birthday he achieved a full time position as a Head of the Department of Chemistry and Physics, his life was uneventful and then he died by committing suicide but he found himself by watching his dead when he defenestrated from the Technology Building. A paradox in time and space happened, he was there as he was dying, looking in horror and in surprise that at the end something happened, he realized at the time of his dead that he probably became a God himself, but why he suddenly appeared.?
James looked at his self falling from the last story of the Technology Building, time created a paradox that he couldn't understood fully, a self replication event were the universe tried to preserved him or maybe he just did the impossible to preserve himself. He ran downstairs quickly, he knew the eyes of the press where going to be looking at him on why he was there laying dead and yet he was alive. Maybe it was a cruel trick from nature where he was destined to become his own self, maybe it was a divine plan that he found ridicule, but as soon as he was getting close to his car he got disturbed by the screams of people near the Technology Building who were watching in horror the corpse he left behind.
He found his keys and found his car where he parked early in the morning on the Collins Parking Facility, it was January the 27th of 2018, it was 10:30am and he wrote down the time when he died because he was fearful that the event could repeat itself but overall he has scared of the changes that the unprecedented paradox could developed in the fabrics of the universe a major inconvenience for everyone's existence. He tried to take notes on what happened, he realized he leaped into a another time stream, he realized that he died and again it was 10:30am now he wasn't sure why he died, or the reason of his leap but he was trapped in a loop.
He ran again back to his house that wasn't far away from the university, only a few miles west on the suburbs of Carol Wood, where he lived a really peaceful existence with his dogs and 5 year old child, he was wondering what he was going to explain to Alastair on why he was being taken away because he died and yet was heading back home; he wondered if maybe he died and he was traveling back to say goodbye to his son.? But as soon as he pinched in his left thigh he realized he was alive and well and maybe he was the reason his other self died because two people cannot co-exist on the same space continuum specially on a short mile radius as we as human are subjected to laws of physic and a limited time amount that we can exist.
When he reached his two story, three bedroom house, he saw Al sitting with the nanny watching Dora the Explorer, there he realized they didn't knew that he died and he was back again. He tried to hold his emotions and tried to find any notes on why time was avoiding self-consistency and letting him do what he was doing on rebooting his own existence and with the blink of an eye he found himself on his office and he knew how died , he died in order to preserve himself he was the one who pushed himself to the void and saw himself disappearing right before his own eyes while he materialized himself one more time watching his own dead.
The questions where unanswered as when he looped, he broke any single possible law as he went back to the very beginning of his own existence, he went back to his 16th birthday the exact moment where he was blowing the candles and realized there was something wrong and he didn't knew why. He quickly remembered a flashback of something possessing him and letting him write the number 10:30 am, he didn't realized that 16 years ago he repeated the same cycle, but why.? Why, 37 years later he was remembering.? Why he forgot about his own existence.? This time he didn't felt the impulse, as soon he finished blowing the candled he went to his room, and wrote "Note to myself: Never forget, you will kill your own self at 10:30 am, you will push yourself and die, try to avoid it." subsequently he hide it in order that his parents wouldn't find it.
When he was walking towards the stairs he found his father staring at him, he completely forgot how much he and his father looked alike, like two drops of water and he forgot how much he missed him after he got killed after his 17th birthday when both were coming back from a visit to the University of Utah. When both got robbed and that was his motivation to decipher the causality loops and find a way to save his father, maybe as he turned back he would have the chance to resolve the panoramas that were in blank for so many years and how many times he has turned back to the point of start before finding his dead impossible and as a connector of his own time stream.