Tuesday, July 24, 2012

THE MAN WITHOUT A SHADOW BUT WITH 1000 SONGS IN HIS HEAD

THE MAN WITHOUT A SHADOW BUT WITH 1000 SONGS IN HIS HEAD

Short Self-Descriptive, Peoples' Perception Story
By: Gustavo Lequerica-Calvo

Somebody that I used to know was the song that was playing while I looked at myself in the mirror as bare as I could be just without my glasses. Just my brown eyes looking in an indefinitely loop; I realized that I wasn't young anymore, there was no need to be fit or to hit the gym almost on a daily basis or to go and ride my old bike just to try to be in shape; who I have become?, who I had become?. There is a belly hanging around my waist, my body has more hair than my head. Do I care about the changes?, I suddenly realized again for probably the 14th time in my life that even if we as humans we are shallow at the end what it matters is what you can give and how happy are with yourself.

- You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness -The song keeps playing in my head as I see myself as the somebody that I used to know yet I feel I know that person that I see in the mirror all my life. Nothing make sense really and I am glad that certain stages of my life are over. I don't need to hide that I am bald, that I have stocky and that I am not that tall without my 1 inch shoes; I don't need to hide anything, just to walk under the rain that is pouring down, the rain that I set on fire when I couldn't learn to live with my demons because I wasn't at peace. I made mistakes, broken a few hearts and got broken mine until it became ashes that the wind blew but yet I am always back in the loving game, because you know what, even if love is a losing game yet you learn to love more than once, but a million times to love yourself.

I been called by many adjectives from strange, friendly, asshole, a warm heart, a bully, a dick, and many others; I just say "I am who I am, I am my own special creation" and I don't care if you give me the hook or the ovation. I took my wig a long time ago and I keep banging my drums regarding any situation. People always had said I am strange, weird, yet as I said before I never cared it's part of being unique but yet one time at the beginning of the month when I was at work laying my head and almost on the verge of crying in a river on the break room table, one kid named Josh told me he saw me sad for quite a while he just told me to cheer up, I replied in a nonchalant way but with a few tears on my eyes, why?. He replied with a smile before living the break room, because you have friends over here that are worried about you; I couldn't resist because of the sadness "what friends?" he replied almost instantaneously me and everybody in the store, everyone knows your name and has seen you sad, so cheer up because even if you family did that to you, you have your friends here.

Maybe Josh was right, again I went to a bathroom and I pull out my glasses to shed the tears out of my face and I saw what I saw before and after, I see my brown eyes looking at me through the looking glass, my scalp that even if is going bald I still keep the reddish maroon color, my hairy ears, my lips who tend to shatter easy with the humidity, the freckles around my neck and lower chin. My deep voice, my accent, the accent that I never heard to other people at all, an accent that says that's my voice., my 5'7'' height, my own self. I'm a man without a present shadow, but I have behind me a 1000 shadows that reflect the path that I have become, shadows that reflect the changes in my body, shadows that will say who I will become.

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